it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
