so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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