Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize