I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
