I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
