The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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