I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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