I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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