You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
