You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
