walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
