I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
