The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
