what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
