About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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