rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
