you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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