I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
