break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize