Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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