I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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