We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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