fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
