I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
