i already hear my dad disowning me
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
