I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
