I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
