D3 body, D1 cock
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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