Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We talked him into tasing himself.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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