Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
