if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
