I didn't shave. On purpose
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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