i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
