i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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