Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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