she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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