In the future we'll all be gay
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
