Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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