You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
