hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
