Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
