You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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