That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
