We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
