hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
