I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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