Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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