It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
