i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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