he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
