I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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