I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
