just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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