I'm jealous of your bromance
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize