I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
