trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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