she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
