I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
