Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
