Are we in a gay sports bar?
I can text with my tongue
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
