apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
They have beer where we have blood.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
