I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
