Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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