I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my being single is dangerous.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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