I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dignity is for republicans.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
