Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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