I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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