it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
