How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
