Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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