i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
