Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So much Jack, so little girl.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
