i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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