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You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
