she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
