sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
