I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Mom said you looked used
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
