So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The adults are the big ones right?
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