I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
