lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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