My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
