He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
how does that bad decision feel?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
