I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize