I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
