You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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