We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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