I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
