Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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