im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
