is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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