I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
