theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Randomize
