hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
