and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
