Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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