I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
